Nothing helps...

I'm starting to learn the feeling of that can't eat, can't sleep kinda thing when you feel so much for someone but they feel very little or nothing for you. It hurts.

I couldn't sleep last night.. basically cried myself to sleep and then woke up every few hours just wondering... I wanted to cut myself.. I was so close. I held back because I knew the people that I care about most would hate me.. They don't understand.

I can't have him.. he's in love with her and I'm left out like a penny in the rain and no one cares. I can't say anything for the fear that I will lose everything that we have now.. which isn't much. There's no one to talk to because no one knows what's really going on. I put on this face that everything in my life is good, even when it's not. I don't want to bother anyone with wanting to talk about it because I fear that they won't hear me or won't care.

It's like I'm in this corner and all the walls are closing in around me.. I scream but no one hears me. No one can hear the pain that I feel. I can't deal with it.. So I isolate myself, but still it doesn't help. Nothing helps.

I don't want to hurt like this, it's something that's very hard for me to deal with. I have issues with change, and the outcome has proved before to not always be good.