Ignored

I feel so ignored and lonely, like I have no one to talk to. I don't know what to do because nothing seems to help, my life has no point. I'm useless, I'm a waste, I take up space but seem to go unnoticed. If I killed myself I don't think anyone would notice, no one would care. My boyfriend won't even talk to me! He's the one I care about the most, he's the one I live for. If it wasn't for him I'm not sure I would be here right now. He won't talk to me, no one will talk to me. I want to feel better, but nothing helps. I don't want medicine to make me feel like I want to, I want to feel it all on my own.
Everything's going bad, my grades suck and even with doing everything to bring them up nothing helps. My world is slowly spinning out of control, I'm slipping a little more everyday. Suicide seems like the only answer; take drugs and drink, hang myself, shoot myself. Anything would be better than the life I'm living now. I would do whatever it takes for people to care, to be noticed. To have my boyfriend pay just a little more attention to me, to know that he cares, to know that he loves me. To know that he loves me the way that I love him, to be there for me now, when I need him, when I need someone.
Someone please help me. Let me know there is someone out there that cares about me. Tell me what to do to get over the way I feel, to get back in a place in my life that I can trust someone. That I know nothing bad will happen to me. I need to know that everything is going to be ok, I need to know that. I need to be ok.

small school, BIG heart!!

Yes, that's right, Marshall Statesmen basketball made it to the VSHL final four! I couldn't believe it either, I think basketball is the only sport we accel in. Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, Va was home to the Statesmen last night, we rocked the house!
It was amazing! We played against Booker T. Washington but unfortunately lost in those few final seconds. We fought hard and the crowd was supportive, but it just wasn't enough for our guys to pull out a victory. :( Everything's ok though, there's always next year. And with the current and alumni students, they will have all the support they need. Good luck to the Marshall Statesmen!
small school BIG heart

If I left...

If I killed myself, if I left tomorrow, would anyone care? I feel like I'm slipping into this unknown world, everything is spinning around me at a speed unknown to man. I want to escape but don't know how. I want to get away but don't know where to go. I feel like cutting myself isn't going to do anything, not this time, it's too deep. I can't talk to you, you wouldn't understand, no one would understand. No one cares, no one knows and no one cares. Things I want in my life aren't happening fast enough, I have chances to accomplish what I want, but don't. I can't do it alone, I have no one to do it with, what is happening to me? I'm not crazy, it's just no one understands. I need a shoulder to cry on, will Lukas be there? I need to escape, can Kae and Palumbo help? I need to have fun, would Ian be able to fulfill my need for happiness?
If I killed myself tomorrow, no one would notice. No one would care and they would go on with the pety activities in their lives. Would anyone stop and think, where's Jessica? No, that would be too much to ask for, to much for them to believe that something was wrong. Something that they didn't see, something no one could help with. It's coke that I need, coke and weed will solve everything. Hard core drugs will solve everything, in time everything will be ok once again.